Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" or "Angel". They belong to Joss Whedon & Mutant Enemy ™ & © 1999. The song "Only When I Lose Myself" is written by Martin L. Gore ™ & ©1998 Grabbing Hands Music Overseas/EMI Music Publishing Ltd. All rights reserved. The lyrics are shown below. This is a work of fan fiction and is not intended for publication or sale.

Author’s notes: This short story takes place right after the "Pangs" & "I Will Remember You" crossover episodes (which I suggest you watch before you read this). This short story was inspired by the song "Only When I Lose Myself" and is mainly meant to explore the range of emotions that Angel experiences having had his heart’s desire for a fleeting moment and how he immediately dealt with the repercussions that it caused within him. Internal dialog is represented in Italics.

Only When I Lose Myself

It's only when I lose myself in someone else
That I find myself
I find myself

Something beautiful is happening inside for me
Something sensual, it's full of fire and mystery
I feel hypnotized
I feel paralyzed
I have found heaven

There's a thousand reasons
Why I shouldn't spend my time with you
For every reason not to be here
I can think of two
To keep me hanging on
Feeling nothing's wrong
Inside your heaven

It's only when I lose myself in someone else
That I find myself
I find myself

I can feel the emptiness inside me
Fade and disappear
There's a feeling of contentment
Now that you are here
I feel satisfied
I belong inside
Your velvet heaven

It's only when I lose myself in someone else
That I find myself
I find myself